Are you uncomfortable and nervous about the idea of flirting
with a man? Do you feel blocked even rigid with fear when you’re in the
presence of a man, fear that you might get rejected by him?
You may not be aware that your non-verbal is telling a man that
you are unapproachable. He feels whether or not you are open to having a
conversation that will flow with ease or whether it will be awkward. And this
decision is made within seconds of seeing you.
I know it’s not fair but we are ALL guilty of the same thing…judging
people by their cover. Once you know that it’s not a personal thing but an automatic
impulse that is almost out of our control…then you get the courage to step up
and become visible!
I remember feeling like the nerd in school…involved in every
social activity but never had a boyfriend. And once my divorce happened, I
found myself in the same predicament…I had to go back out in the dating scene
and get over my fears all over again. I was surprised at how insecure I
felt…the courage I lacked.
The one thing that got me back in the game was my body language!
And not just any kind of body language but the kind where I consciously
flirted!
I wanted to be that charismatic woman that everyone noticed.
I spent years being in the background with my ex-husband that it was time for
me to shine. So first I looked up the meaning of flirting.
Here is what I found…
“Behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone,
but without serious intention; act amorously without serious intentions; play
at love; coquet”
And when I asked men how they felt about women flirting…they
unanimously agreed that it IS a necessary skill in looking attractive. They
actually felt like it was a compliment towards them!
So flirting really means taking an interest in someone…being
curious about what motivates a man in a playful way. And when you set that
intension, then every body language technique you do is coming from a kind
place where it doesn’t feel like an interrogation.
A man doesn’t remember as much the words you use but how he feels
being around you. Throughout your encounter your body should move like oil…no
tension, no stiffness…just flow.
So how do you make this flow of your body language happen?
Become aware of these 3 flirting tips:
1) LEAN BACK
In any conversation with a man, it’s important to lean back in
your stance or in your chair. This action makes you naturally relax into the
convers ation. Leaning back takes away all tension in the body, where every
move or transition will feel like oil (nothing harsh…you melt into every body position
or self-touch).
2) UNZIP YOUR HEART
I learned this technique from my coach Rori Raye. It allowed
me to go a level deeper in listening. If you can visualize yourself unzipping
and exposing your heart. You’ve got it! It feels vulnerable but freeing at the
same time. You take down your guard while listening so that to remain
compassionate.
3) SELF-TOUCH
A woman that regularly touches herself gives the impression to
a man that she is comfortable in her body…she loves how her body feels. So caress
your neck, your arm, your hair…anything that will make you relax into listening
and being in his presence while enjoying yourself.
Within seconds of doing these flirting techniques, men would
smile, move in towards me and feel the ease of being in my presence.
Patty Contenta
