UNDERSTANDING YOUR GIRLFRIEND

Women are complex creatures, sometimes frustratingly so. There are times when we make the men in our lives want to throw up their hands in defeat and say, "I'll just never understand what women want!"

Don't give up hope. Sometimes the key to understanding your girl is to read between the lines of what she's saying to discover what she really means.

It's not entirely our fault that we have this round about way of communicating. Boys are taught from a young age that asking for what they want is the best way to get it, while girls are encouraged to use our "feminine wiles" to maneuver our way into what our heart desires.

It doesn't help that a straightforward persistent woman in our society is often tagged with unfair labels like "bitch" or "ball breaker". So instead of being direct, we sometimes take the long way to getting to what we really mean. To help you understand, there are certain things you can look for to help you decode the meaning behind your girlfriend's words.

She Wants To Be Babied

"I had a really busy day" = "I need some pampering"

When your girl complains about her long hard day, there's a good chance it's not just to get it off her chest. She wants you help her relax, but instead of just asking you for a back massage, or to run her a hot bath, she feigns helplessness so you'll be able to sweep in as her man and fix everything for her.

It's hard for a modern feminist woman to ask for help from her man. We all want to believe we can take care of ourselves, but there are times when we just want to be coddled a little bit. So, instead of being annoyed by her whining, do the smart thing and ask her what she needs to unwind. Trust me, you'll reap the rewards later.

It's Time to Talk

"I don't feel like talking" = "I really NEED to talk"

You can tell something is bothering your girl, but when you ask she says nothing is wrong. Don't be fooled, she really does need to talk. She just wants you to press her a little. If you insist on asking what's wrong it convinces her that you really want to hear about her problems and help resolve them.

Try to encourage her to open up without nagging. Instead, let her know that you are concerned and open to listening. She really does want to tell you about the fight she had with her best friend or how much getting passed over for that promotion at work upset her, but unless you show genuine interest, she'll probably keep it bottled up.

The only time this translation may not be accurate is when she's upset about something you did. In this case, she may really need some space and time to think before she confronts you with it.

She's Feeling Insecure

"I'm not jealous" = "I need reassurance"

You've just run into your ex-girlfriend while walking down the street with your current one. You can tell that the unexpected meeting has your girl frazzled, but she insists she's not threatened.

What NOT to do in this situation is accuse her of being mistrustful or joke about how cute she is when she's jealous. The right thing to do here is to reassure her of your love and devotion without being too obvious about it. Try something like, "Wow, seeing Suzy again just makes me realize how perfect you and I are together."

She Wants to Get Serious

"So are we like together?" = "I want a commitment"

Stereotypically, guys are all commitment phoebes while their girls are fervently awaiting him dropping to one knee in the perfect moment of romantic dedication. This may not be universally true, but there's a good chance she's looking toward the next stage in your relationship before you've even entertained the concept.

Not wanting to come on too fast or too strong, she'll probably be fairly hesitant to come right out and say she'd like to be your girlfriend or that she thinks that it's time you moved in together. Make it easy on her by being honest and clear about your feelings and intentions. If you're not quite ready to pledge monogamy, say so, but tell her that you think it's a big step, something you don't want to take lightly.

Ask for some time to think about it. Never make a commitment that you're not willing to follow through on. If you're not done playing the field, don't give the impression that you are. It will only lead to heartbreak.

Jenny Love

10 reasons why it's nice not to be single

No one in a long relationship has not sometimes wished they were single again. And no, most often it's not because of the interesting blonde that has just started working in the distribution section. Often it is just a desire to lie on your bed, alone, reading a good book, while all around you is quiet and you are having camembert and beetroot and melon for supper.

But then, there are also those times you are so glad you are not on your own. And that's not only on Valentine's Day.

Household hurricane: The morning after a party in your house, you view the debris littering the lounge, kitchen and the garden. The thought of cleaning it all up yourself is enough to make you get back into bed. But having someone chatting to you while you both clean up, makes it all so much easier.

Instant babysitter: There's a crisis at the office on a Sunday or your mother suddenly needs to be taken to hospital. Your spouse can simply take over and look after the children. Imagine if you were on your own, you might have had to lug them with you, and the smaller they are, the bigger a performance this is.

Someone on your side: If you've had a bad day at work or you've had a fight with your mother, your partner can always (OK, most of the time) be relied upon to support you and take your side. Or take you out for supper if you're really stressed or at least give you a foot massage. If these things are not true for you, what are you still doing in this relationship?

Look what your son has done: The duties of parenthood become a shared responsibility. There is another pair of hands that can change nappies, take kids to the doctor, entertain toddlers and deal with the teacher/school when there is a problem. Also someone else who can partially shoulder the responsibility when you child bites another preschooler or throws up on the couch minutes before your dinner guests arrive.

Cocooning: Sunday mornings or holidays or whenever, it is sometimes very pleasant to just withdraw into your own world. Disconnect the phone, forget about the rest of the world, have a good snuggle, or more, if you're lucky and just be on your own together.

Movers and shakers: When anything has to be carried, or shifted or moved, it is always better to have someone who can help. While this on its own is not exactly a good reason to start a relationship, many hands do make light work. You try and move the fridge on your own or cart a month's grocery shopping from the car.

A shoulder to cry on: Sometimes you feel just plain miserable – it's Sunday night, the cat's sick, you're not looking forward to work Monday morning and your mother insulted your new hairstyle. The TV on its own just won't do and you're not in the type of mood where you feel like going out. Then it's nice to have someone who will give you a hug and make you a cup of tea.

No more first date jitters: Remember the terror of first dates? Having a partner, means that those are over, at least for the time being. You still take trouble with your appearance, but no longer feel you have to go out on a shopping spree to find something new to wear so you can go to the movies. And what's more, sex is not such a rare commodity in your life as it might have been before.

Dual income: In these economic times, this makes a huge difference. If you suddenly have too much month at the end of your money, you can always ask for a small loan. If this happens every month, though, there could be a problem. If you want to buy a house together, you will also qualify for a much bigger bond than you would on your own.

Family fiasco: Lots of things can go wrong with families – from your younger brother losing his job to your partner's mother hitting the bottle or getting sick, to your sister-in-law walking out on her husband. These things are always easier to cope with if you have some measure of support from a partner. They can also give perspective to you and make you feel less alone when having to make, often painful, decisions regarding family members.

Acknowledgement: Susan Erasmus, Health24

My Beautiful Body