Human Sexuality: The Male Orgasmic Cycle

The male orgasmic cycle goes through exactly the same sequence: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Moreover, it is equally complex.

The excitement phase begins as a response to a sexual thought or feeling, or to physical stimulation. The penis responds almost immediately, and becomes erect.  Blood fills the spaces (corpora cavernosa) within the flaccid (soft) penis, so that it can enlarge to six inches or more in length when erect. Breathing deepens, the pulse rate increases and the body is more sensitive.

The plateau phase follows, and the penis is now fully erect. It may have darkened in colour, and a drop of liquid may appear at the entrance to the urethra. This is seminal fluid, and it may contain a small amount of sperm.

The testicles increase in size by as much as 50 per cent, rising up towards the body. And the genital area increases in sensitivity as orgasm is approached.

Orgasm is made up of two stages, but these are linked in such a way that it is impossible to have the first without the second. First sperm travel out of the testicles up the vas deferens (seminal duct) to the seminal vesicles. These vesicles produce semen, which is mixed with the sperm, and is then ready for ejaculation. About four seconds later the fluid is pushed up into and along the urethra, a result of a series of contractions made by the prostate gland and the urethral muscles. The semen is then ejaculated out of the urethra. This is an extremely exciting sensation. 

The resolution phase sees that penis returning to a non-aroused state, and loosing the erection. The physical tension, which has accompanied arousal, now disappears, and this man may feel very relaxed and sleepy. 

The Role Sex Plays In Our Lives

From the first yearnings of adolescence, sex plays a major role in our lives - indeed, it is one of our strongest drives. However, for some, what should be a rich source of pleasure can cause great unhappiness.

Sex is a fundamental driving force of human life. Even so, the complex relationships between the biological need to reproduce, cultural influences, love, affection, and the sex drive itself are still not fully understood. Much of what we know about human sexuality has only been researched and written about the past century, and there is still great controversy about many of its aspects.

As our society has developed, much of what was once considered taboo is now part of normal sexual behavior and can be discussed freely. In the past, a common premise was that women were interested in sex only for the sake of fulfilling that maternal instinct of pleasing their partners. Nowadays, however, it has become clear that women have as powerful a need for sexual satisfaction and fulfillment as men. Men used to be seen a less emotional and sensitive, wanting sex  only to gratify some basic animal urge, but we now know that emotional expression in sexual activity is equally important to men and women.

Our first conscious expression of interest in sex may come with the question ‘where do babies come from?’, but in fact, we have been sexual animals since birth. We enjoy and are aware of a variety of physical sensations, many of which represent the warmth and comfort of closeness with another person. We get sensual pleasure from our bodies long before we are aware of ourselves as sexual people, or what sexual pleasure means in adult society.

Sexual interest in other people may not arise until adolescence begins, although it may happen considerably earlier. However, surveys suggest that about 50 present of young people are sexually experienced by the time they have reached the age of 18.

What attracts people sexually to each other? The answer to this question can be split to cover three broad areas: physical factors, psychological factors and social influences.

On a physiological level, a lot depends on what a prospective partner looks like, not simply in the sense of physical appearance, but more in terms of whether he or she looks ‘interested’ or ‘available’.  It has been suggested that if the pupils of the eyes of someone you are looking at dilate as you speak to him or her, this signifies attraction, or at least interest. Smell also plays a part although it may be heavily disguised or register only on the unconscious level. Like all animals, humans produce strong scents called pheromones, which are a powerful influence on sexual attraction.

On the psychological level, it is true to say that, everybody judges potential sexual partners on a wide range of factors, including likeness or dissimilarity to mother or father. For instance, a boy who has had a good relationship with his mother may be attracted to girls who are like her.

Social influences are very important. We are constantly assaulted with images of what the ideal sex partner ought to look, act and live like; and there is little doubt that these things greatly influence our preference.

These aspects of sexuality have a great influence throughout adult life, and are central to the creation of any fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship.

Chocolates - The Achilles Heel of Women

Why do women love chocolates so much?

Chocolate equals love. It is thought of as a romantic gift. For women especially, it's associated with love and romance. Chocolate makes them feel loved and special.

It tastes great as it melts in your mouth. Chocolate lovers often describe this melting feeling as a moment of true of ecstasy. It's the cocoa butter in chocolate that gives it the rich and creamy texture that we love so much.

Chocolate makes us feel good. Chocolate contains phenylethylamine, the same chemical that is released in the brain when we fall in love. Eating chocolate can give some people a natural "high" which is often related to the feeling of being in love.

Chocolate is good for you. Recent studies show that chocolate, especially dark chocolate, contains chemicals that can lower the risk of cancer and heart disease. The antioxidants in dark chocolate have shown to make a difference in cardiovascular health.

Chocolate is great for your sex life. It is believed that chocolate is an aphrodisiac. Chocolate makes us feel good, which in turn makes for a healthy sex life. Chocolate can also be used in the bedroom for more creative ideas, many couples use chocolate body paints and lubricants with their Adult Toys to bring a bit of fun to the bedroom. Sex and chocolate combined is certain to help you maintain a happy relationship.

By Danie de Villiers - Freelance writer

How Conquer the Heart of a Woman

• Be sincere. Compliment her on something you truly admire. Hollow compliments can often be sensed. A compliment that she knows you mean will have much more impact.

• Listen to her. She will give you clues about what she likes. Later, you can show that you remember what she has said and it makes a difference to you. This will earn you big points.

• Do not exaggerate to make yourself sound better. Do not tell her lies just because you think it will help. These things have a way of turning around and biting you.

• Do not offer advice unless asked. It could come off sounding like you are telling her what to do. Just listen and be supportive.

• Do not talk about sex unless she brings it up.

• Do not act desperate. Just let things flow naturally. Desperation is an unappealing quality in sex. Playing a little hard to get can actually be appealing.

• Avoid talking about yourself too much. Let her talk and if she wants to know, she will ask. An ongoing conversation about how big your muscles are or how fast your car is will not score many points. Bragging about how well-endowed you are, is a big no-no too. On the other hand, silence does not work either. Look around and find something to talk about. Preferably about her.

• Avoid letting your eyes wonder to other women when you are with her. Talking about other women or your ex are both no-no's too. If you are out with her, let her know you like being with her by respecting her feelings and keeping your eyes and mind on her.

• Treat her with respect. Do not call her chick, broad, dude or any other name unless you have been together for a while and you come up with pet names for each other. Respect is crucial and a good woman will not be interested in sex with you until she knows you respect her. If a one-night stand is what you have in mind, then do not lead her into believing you want a relationship with her. Playing with her feelings is cruel and something no one should do to anyone.

• Do not make her feel like because you have spent money on her, she should sleep with you. Making her feel this way will generally have the opposite affect. All you have bought is her time and the opportunity to prove to her that you are worth a second look. The rest is up to you.

What is Love?

If every step I ran, was a resemblance of how much I love you I would be running forever.

What is Sexism?

Role conditioning goes deep – so it may still sound odd when Dad cooks supper and Mum goes off on a business trip. But why should it – and how do we change it?

Many of us, though we pay lip service to the idea of equality of the sexes, remain secretly convinced that there are certain jobs more suited to men, for example, or character traits which belong essentially to women. But in fact there are few jobs which the right women cannot perform equally well and few aspects of personality which strictly are the prerogative of one sex alone.  

We are really all conditioned in our views of what is masculine and feminine by the society we live in. But there is nothing inherently male or female about most roles, except the sexual ones and that of giving birth and feeding a baby. In some tribes in New Guinea, for example, the men are expected to stay at home and care for the children while the women go to work in the fields. 

In recent years, the strict division between male and female roles has begun to work within marriage and even while bringing up children. But, unless both partners have given great thought to their arrangements there is a danger that both will feel guilty or resentful about their role rather than enriched. 

A woman brought up from a little girl to see marriage and children as her main role in life may deliberately restrict her progress at work even though she is talented. She has not been led to expect a successful career and is grateful to be working at all. However, this does not mean she will not feel dissatisfied with herself and the life she leads.

In the same way, a man who has been brought up to believe that a successful career is all important and that housework and children are a woman’s responsibility, will have difficulty in adapting to the demands made on him by a working wife. He may see himself as doing a great favor rather than welcoming the opportunity to develop a different side of his personality.  

Discouraging Sexual Stereotypes

As parents, we can do much to encourage flexible attitudes in our children that will give them greater freedom in adult life. We often channel small children into so-called male or female roles without realizing it. But we all have many aspects to our personality. The more we can develop the various sides, whether at work, home or leisure, the more balanced and fulfilled we become. 

Encourage all your children, whether boys of girls, to be curious and independent as well as thoughtful and caring. They should feel confident about exploring or learning about anything that interest them, whether it is horses, or sewing, climbing trees or dancing, without being concerned as to whether it is a masculine or feminine thing to do.

Parents who encourage their children to think and behave in this way are helping them to escape from the limitations imposed by sexual stereotyping of previous generations. 

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What is Sexual Therapy?

A fulfilling sexual relationship is a great pleasure. But, if serious problems occur, then sexual therapy may be the answer.

It is a fact that when problems occur in their love-making, many couples are unable to talk about it from fear of embarrassment. Subsequently, it can place great and unnecessary strain on any relationship. 

Sexual therapy provides the opportunity for partners to talk freely with each other about their sex life and problems experiencing. This is often easier to do with the help of a neutral third party. Once communication has been established, the couple will have a foundation on which to build a new sexual understanding.

Sexual therapy can also be educative. For although there is a climate of openness about sex, there is still a great deal of misinformation and ignorance about it. A professional counselor can provide basic information and correct any misconceptions couples have.

The counselor can also teach couples a whole new range of techniques to correct specific problems such as premature ejaculation, impotence, frigidity or inability to achieve orgasm. Many of these are based on the system of sensate focus or pleasuring techniques in which one partner learns how to help the other gradually achieve enjoyment and satisfaction, first by gently caressing each other’s bodies, then by genital stimulation and finally through intercourse.

But, although there can be no substitute for expert help with persistent sexual problems, couples can overcome many temporary difficulties by themselves. For instance for the loss of desire both partners should try to re-establish communication both in bed and outside it. They should try to alter their lovemaking routine and give frequent reassurance that their lovemaking is pleasurable and enjoyable.

Love is all around us

 Love does not hurt. Physical and/or emotional abuse is not a part of love.

Love is not manipulative; it should not be used to get others to do what you want.

Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. It can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring.

Although it is true that a big part of love is putting another person's happiness ahead of your own this never includes compromising your values or being untrue to yourself.

If somebody asks you to do something that you don't want to do in order to "prove" your love they do not love you the way you might think they do. When you love another person you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love.

It is very easy to confuse lust for love. The true measure of romantic love is commitment and trust, not physical attraction.

It is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Just think, if it is possible for you to love both of your parents at the same time why would it be impossible to feel romantic love for two people at once? Don't beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation. But be sure to remain single and be open and honest with all parties about your feelings and confusion.

Sex is NOT love. Love is NOT sex. Sex can be a part of romantic love but it is never mandatory.

Love should make you feel happy, secure and appreciated.

Love is all around us!